February 19, 1999
Thank you for attending this press conference.
I am the lawyer for Tinky Winky. You know him as
a member of the Teletubbies cast.
As you no doubt know, televangelist Jerry
Falwell has stated that Tinky Winky is gay. In
this month's National Liberty Journal Mr. Falwell
has pointed out that my client has been seen to be
carrying a purse, is purple, and his antenna is
triangle-shaped.
These factors are presented as conclusive proof
that Tinky Winky is gay. My client has tried to
face this controversy with dignity, but has decided
that he can be silent no longer.
Tinky Winky will now read a prepared statement:
"Ladies and gentlemen of the press. I never
thought I would have to stand before you today to
publicly discuss such a deeply personal aspect of
my life.
Like my other Teletubbies colleagues, I am a
classically trained actor. After graduating from
Julliard, I worked as an understudy and eventually
in several off-Broadway shows.
It was on the European tour of a Streetcar Named
Desire that I met my friends and co-stars, Dispy,
Laa-Laa and Po.
We were later joined by Mr. Noo, who had just
finished three years touring with the Royal
Shakespearean Company as Claudius in a critically
acclaimed production of Hamlet.
Together we created a new television series for
youngsters based on respect, dignity and a mutual
love for Tubby Toast. We were concerned about the
mindless violence and endless product marketing of
children's television.
One critic said my contribution to the
Teletubbies is reminiscent of William Shatner's
early work at Stratford.
High praise indeed.
But now people who have no business asking are
making inquiries into my personal life. I can keep
silent no more.
I ask you, am I to be judged by the colour of my
skin? Did I ask to be born purple? Don't believe
anyone who tells you that being purple is a
lifestyle choice.
Believe me, it would be easier if I wasn't
purple - but that is the way God made me, even
though I tried to deny it even to myself for many
years.
I'd like to point out for the record that Mr.
Falwell's skin is pink. He should think about that
before he casts the first stone.
Mr. Falwell has made much about the fact that I
sometimes have been seen carrying a purse. I would
like to point out that it is in fact a magic bag,
and everyone in Europe is carrying them this year.
Where else are you supposed to keep the keys to the
mini-van when you don't have any pockets?
I know that Ziggy has been very public since
coming out last year, but it was his choice to be
Grand Marshal in the Pride Parade. And it came as
no surprise when we finally found out why Schroeder
never showed any interest in Lucy.
It was only a matter of time before the Coyote
and the Roadrunner admitted their hostility was
only covering up their true feelings.
You are all waiting for me to answer the
question: "Am I gay?" I am here today to tell you
that it is none of your business.
It is the right of every fictional character to
live their life and do their job free from
discrimination. I only ask that you respect my
privacy and allow me to carry on with my important
work."
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