March 28, 2003

Life is a little different with a one year old in the house. You may find it may require a few slight changes to your lifestyle. For example:

You know you have a one year old in the house when you have to shake the spit out of the TV remote before you can use it.

You know you have a one year old in the house when all the furniture you own has bite marks on the arms because he’s teething, and refuses to use any of the expensive Italian teething toys you specifically bought for him.

You know you have a one year old in the house when there is nothing on your walls or shelves below four feet high.

You know you have a one year old in the house when he spits out expensive, imported organic baby food, but will happily eat lint out of the carpet.

You know you have a one year old in the house when you excuse yourself from a business meeting by saying you have to go potty.

You know you have a one year old in the house when you find yourself singing the theme from The Wiggles in the shower.

You know you have a one year old in the house when a romantic evening out last no more than two hours, including driving time and four cell phone calls to the babysitter.

You know you have a one year old in the house when you watch alligator wrestling on TV and it doesn’t seem like that much of a challenge any more.

You know you have a one year old in the house when you only know one verse of our national anthem, but you know all ten verses of "The Farmer in the Dell".

You know you have a one year old in the house when the thought of ever having more children fills you with dread. (Note: This feeling apparently often goes away after your child hits two. It’s a cruel trick of nature that we forget so quickly, but it does guarantee the continuation of the human race.)

You know you have a one year old in the house when you are prepared to let him play with your new digital camera if it keeps him quiet for just five minutes.

You know you have a one year old in the house when fooling around with your spouse is like when you were a teenager - quick, quiet and half-clothed.

You know you have a one year old in the house when you don’t care how you look when you go out, but the baby has to be beautifully dressed. No one will notice you, but if the baby is missing a sock, you are automatically considered a bad parent by strangers in the supermarket.

You know you have a one year old in the house when you’ve read "Goodnight Moon" so many times you start doing it with the voice and gestures of Captain Kirk just to maintain your sanity.

You know you have a one year old in the house when you are fast enough to catch the phone on the first half ring during nap time.

You know you have a one year old in the house when you can dress both of you in 22 minutes - two minutes for you and twenty minutes to wrestle him into his Sunday best to see Grandma.

Finally, you know you have a one year old in the house when you can’t close your wallet anymore because of all the pictures of him you carry in case anyone asks.