April 17, 1998
The cruise industry has reported a sharp
increase in bookings since the Titanic came out.
In fact, they expect people to book up to 17% more
cruises in 1998, and it's all due to the
mega-blockbuster movie.
They say it's because people want the luxury and
romance of the movie.
Am I missing something here?
Refresh my memory, but wasn't there a minor
inconvenience in the movie involving an iceberg? I
seem to recall something about 1500 people freezing
to death in the Atlantic.
That would get me to rush out and book a cruise.
I'm sure people rushed out to book Zeppelin
vacations after the movie "The Hindenberg".
No doubt car sales went up after David
Cronenberg's movie "Crash".
Maybe I'm prejudiced because of my own cruise
experience. My first and only cruise was on my
honeymoon.
I was in charge of booking the honeymoon, and
all my plans fell through. Desperate and with only
three days left before he wedding I saw a Greek
cruise advertised in a window.
Perfect. Not only was I going on a honeymoon, I
wouldn't be killed at my own wedding.
The MTS Oceanos wasn't as big as the Titanic,
but it wasn't some bathtub toy either. It had five
decks and 540 passenger beds. My wife and I
occupied the two in cabin D16 - twin beds I would
like to point out, in spite of it being our
honeymoon.
Let me warn you, a cruise holiday consists
mostly of eating. Breakfast is at six, seven and
8:30. The buffet opens at 11:30 and lunch is at
noon. A snack is served at four to get you ready
for dinner at six or 8:30 (or both). If you're
still hungry, there's a buffet at midnight.
It is important to note on the ship schedule
that the doctor is only available for two hours a
day. Presumably the rest of the time he's helping
in the kitchen.
Anyway, we had a great honeymoon bobbing around
the Greek Isles on the MTS Oceanos.
The next August I was watching the TV and our
honeymoon ship flashed across the screen. I called
my wife to have a look and share a nice memory.
And then before our very eyes - I swear - the
ship sank.
We watched it go nose first to the bottom of the
sea. If you watched closely you could even see the
porthole that belonged to our honeymoon suite.
Unlike the Titanic, everyone got off okay, even
though the Captain and crew were reported to be the
first ones to abandon ship. The magician hired as
the entertainment woke up to find he was in charge,
and managed to get everyone off the ship.
Maybe the Titanic would have been okay if they
had the foresight to book a magic act instead of
just snooty rich people and dancing Irishmen.
They never figured out why the Oceanos sank.
There was talk of terrorists, insurance claims,
just plain old age.
My guess? Someone went through the hull after
the seventh meal of the day.
It makes me think of the promise I made to my
wife that we would recreate our honeymoon for our
10th anniversary.
That gives me two years to learn how to scuba
dive.
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