February 11, 2000
Lately the news makes me wonder whether someone is switching
my morning paper for one of those gag newspapers you get at the
You know the one with your picture in a barrel going
over Niagara Falls and a headline declaring you the World's Greatest
But it's not the newspapers - it's the news that's getting
James Doohan - Star Trek's Scotty - has fathered a child at
79. The Enterprise may have some rust on it, but apparently the
dilithium crystals can still produce warp drive.
Everyone by now knows that Pam Barrett - Alberta's NDP Leader
- made the front pages last week after having a spiritual experience
under a dentist's anesthetic. After coming to, she said that
she knew she had to "find another path". Typical of
the NDP, she had no idea what that meant or how to get there.
I would have thought that the NDP would be used to this kind
of thing by now - pretty much every election is a near-death
experience for them.
None of which takes away from the fact that Barrett is respected
as a compassionate woman and good parliamentarian - but stop
posing for those Joan of Arc photos. If it was me, I'd pack my
Shroud of Turin beach towel and head south.
Ben Johnson is in Libya working as personal trainer to the
son of leader Moammar Gadhafi. It's nice to see he's finally
getting the respect he deserves as a professional athlete.
In Boulder Colorado the city council has passed an ordinance
that requires residents to pick a sex and not change it more
than three times every year and a half.
Personally, I have enough trouble picking out what clothes
to wear in the morning without going through my wife's closet,
even if it does double my choices.
Everyone has got their knickers in a twist over Austria's
new government that includes Joerg Haider's right wing Freedom
Party. How dare Austria democratically elect someone we don't
like? That's not what democracy is about, is it?
Our Governor General in the newly nicotine free Rideau Hall
gave the Austrian Ambassador a lecture on human rights. It isn't
much, but Austria is now considering a strudel embargo and recalling
Arnold Schwartzenegger's accent in retaliation.
And the War Museum in Ottawa started an unholy fuss about
whether they should sell Hitler's car that sits in their collection.
It might be worth $20 million, and the museum could use the cash.
Jack Granatstein, a respected historian who runs the museum,
worries about two things. First, he worries that people looking
at the big black Mercedes will think that "Hitler must have
been a real cool guy to have such a sharp car."
Right. History would be so much easier to understand if only
the good guys drove cool cars and people like Hitler drove around
in Dodge Darts or Chevy Vegas.
Granatstein is also worried that if they sell Hitler's car,
neo-Nazis would buy it. Then they could use it for propaganda
trips to the Wendy's drive-thru. Like those shaved-headed morons
could scrape together $20 million and figure out how a computer
works long enough to make a bid on Ebay. Puh-lease.
Unless of course there's a certain Austrian politician who
needs something to drive a transgendered Ben Johnson to Scotty