Any day you
get through without throwing up on yourself is a good day.
No matter how
dirty you are, there's always someone who'll love you.
You don't need
to be able to talk in order to make your opinion known.
better than falling asleep in someone else's lap.
There is no
such thing as too many clean outfits.
too much about your hair falling out, or whether people can't
tell if you're a boy or a girl. None of it really matters until
you're in high school.
educational toys are okay, but nothing beats a stinky old rag
A full bladder
bladder won't stay that way for long.
unhappy, you often needn't look any further than your own
Take care of
your feet, and if possible, put them in your mouth as often as
expensive outfit will be the first one you grow out of.
The finger in
your eye is most probably your own.
of the only time in your life when belching like a longshoreman
is not only tolerated, but praised.
you take almost everything in the house with you when going as
far as the corner store, the only thing you leave behind is the
one thing you'll need.
stories are the ones where the person reading them to you has to
make sound effects and funny faces.
greatest value is as an excuse for your parents.
in the face for no reason is a good way to get everyone's
Sleep is very
important for you, so make sure you get at least sixteen hours
of it a day. It is not as important for the people around you,
so make sure you're only awake when they're trying to sleep.
Don't waste a
perfectly good spitting up on someone in casual clothes. Wait
until they're in a business suit and late for an appointment.
people who think there's something wrong with you if you cry
will also think there's something wrong with you if you haven't
cried in a while.
If it can't be
put it your mouth, what good is it?
If someone has
been bragging to their friends about how well behaved you are,
make sure you act like a holy terror the first time you're
No matter how
rotten you've been all day, you'll still find someone who's a
sucker for your smile.