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The Dating Game

by Stephen Lautens

XXX

August 24, 2001

After losing the last election in Mexico, the defeated Institutional Revolutionary Party (PRI) has added a new link to its official political website: "Find Love in the PRI." Trying to win back popular support, Mexico's PRI is trying to lure in younger voters with its own on-line matchmaking service.

Politics often makes strange bedfellows, but this is the first time a political party has acted as go-between. The PRI explains that they hope the website will also be a forum for sharing political and social ideas, bringing like-minded people together to discuss the issues of the day.

And of course the PRI hopes that combining sex and politics will create a nation of happy, contented voters who will remember at the ballot box who it was who brought them together.

It makes you wonder whether this kind of political matchmaking could have any future in Canada, especially considering the kind of parties we have in Ottawa. How would they describe in a webpage what each party has to offer Canada's young and eligible?

The Bloc Quebecois:

Welcome to the hottest singles website this side of Hull. Find the pur laine man or woman of your dreams and play maitre chez nous. Recently separated? Would like to be? Us too. Maybe we can get together in order to get us apart. Canadian citizenship not important - at all. Not into humiliation and English domination. If your turn-ons include collecting transfer payments, picking fights, and trying to get away from it all, then you have found your love match.

Liberals:

When you're number one, you don't have to try at all. Honestly, where else are you going to go? We both know you're just going to keep coming back for more. Call us if you're into flexibility and no commitments. If a divided opposition and a budget surplus make you hot, give us a call - and make sure you let the phone ring.

NDP:

Seeking anyone. And we mean anyone. Take long walks through historic Quebec City and beautiful Genoa. Feel the cobblestones and rubber bullets in your hair. Spend the afternoon outdoors chained to a tree or chanting "Hey, hey. Ho, ho. Something-or-other has got to go." Turn-ons include indignation, moral victories and a holier-than-thou attitude. Blue collar union guys OK, but must be in touch with their feminine side, know Tai Chi, or be able to make large campaign donations.

Your own yogurt maker and gas mask a plus.

Canadian Alliance:

Lonely? Drifting aimlessly? Need someone to take charge? Feel like the romance has worn off and now no one's paying attention? It doesn't have to be a one-night stand. We're here to make it work. Meet people with good old fashioned family values like discipline and tough love. Must be willing to wait for a good thing - at least until next Spring.

Rebel Alliance:

We've just left a rocky long-term relationship and now we're looking to settle down and put down roots. Currently on the rebound from an 'on again, off again' relationship with a button-down conservative that looks like it's going nowhere. We're tired of always being the bridesmaid and now just want somewhere we can put our feet up for a spell and be loved for who we are. Not into games or apologies.

No Jetskiiers need reply.

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© Stephen Lautens 2001

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